Clemens may be the biggest douche of all time

... it's a toss-up between Rocket & Bonds for the biggest douchebag award in baseball history...

Clemens has decided to pitch for the Bronx Buttholes this season along with his buddy (it's probably more than just sharing family vacations together), Pettitte.

Remember couples years ago when Roger was supposed "retired", only to come out of retirement to pitch with his homie, Andy in Houston? All the talk about being close to his family and his son (who is in Houston's minor league organization) is just the same ol' bologna he tells everyone.

Roger's got some impressive career achievements of going to Toronto for money, going to Chokees for championships, then going to hang out with his loverboy in Houston. This guy always got some bull for you. More reasons for any douche to cheer for the Yanks.

Happy Belated April Fool's, A-Fraud

Mr. Slappy, aka Purple Lips had one of the best April in baseball history. Not many arguments could really be made against his case. Just a quick look of his April production strongly indicates this season is a big one for him. Not only he might get booed out of New York if he doesn't put up Babe Ruth/Hank Greenberg numbers, it's his CONTRACT YEAR!!!

Regular Season																Season to Date
Date	Opponent	Score	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	K	SB	CS			AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
Apr 29	BOS	L 4-7	4	0	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0			.355	.415	.882	1.297
Apr 28	BOS	W 3-1	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	0			.348	.412	.899	1.311
Apr 27	BOS	L 4-11	3	1	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	0			.365	.429	.941	1.370
Apr 26	TOR	L 0-6	4	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	0			.378	.436	.976	1.412
Apr 24	@ TAM	L 4-6	3	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	0			.385	.444	1.013	1.457
Apr 23	@ TAM	L 8-10	5	4	4	0	0	2	3	0	1	0	0			.400	.453	1.053	1.507
Apr 22	@ BOS	L 6-7	4	2	1	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	0			.371	.432	.986	1.418
Apr 21	@ BOS	L 5-7	4	0	2	1	0	0	1	0	1	0	0			.379	.434	1.030	1.465
Apr 20	@ BOS	L 6-7	5	3	3	1	0	2	4	0	0	0	0			.371	.431	1.048	1.479
Apr 19	CLE	W 8-6	5	1	1	0	0	1	3	0	2	0	0			.351	.418	.965	1.383
Apr 18	CLE	W 9-2	4	2	1	0	0	1	2	0	2	0	0			.365	.435	.981	1.416
Apr 17	CLE	W 10-3	5	1	2	0	0	1	3	0	1	0	0			.375	.448	.979	1.427
Apr 15	@ OAK	L 4-5	3	1	2	1	0	0	1	0	1	0	0			.372	.453	.977	1.430
Apr 14	@ OAK	W 4-3	5	1	1	0	0	1	1	1	3	0	0			.350	.449	.975	1.424
Apr 13	@ OAK	L 4-5	4	1	2	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	0			.371	.465	1.000	1.465
Apr 11	@ MIN	L 1-5	3	0	1	1	0	0	1	0	2	0	0			.355	.447	1.065	1.512
Apr 10	@ MIN	W 10-1	3	1	1	0	0	1	2	2	1	0	0			.357	.471	1.107	1.578
Apr 9	@ MIN	W 8-2	4	1	1	0	0	1	2	1	0	0	0			.360	.448	1.080	1.528
Apr 8	BAL	L 4-6	3	1	1	0	0	1	2	1	0	0	0			.381	.458	1.095	1.554
Apr 7	BAL	W 10-7	4	4	3	1	0	2	6	1	0	0	0			.389	.450	1.056	1.506
Apr 6	BAL	L 4-6	4	1	1	1	0	0	0	0	2	0	0			.286	.333	.643	.976
Apr 5	TAM	L 6-7	5	0	1	1	0	0	1	0	0	0	0			.300	.300	.700	1.000
Apr 2	TAM	W 9-5	5	2	2	0	0	1	2	0	1	1	0			.400	.400	1.000	1.400
Total			93	27	33	7	0	14	34	9	23	2	0			.355	.415	.882	1.297

Merely mentioning A-Fraud's HR numbers is not a complete picture of his "achievement" (can such word be properly used for him?). His .882 SLG & 1.297OPS are just outright HOF-class. He also hit .355 (33 hits in 23gms) to begin this '07 season.

Let's just say Scott Boras is printing that leather-bound A-Fraud almanac to get his next team to pony up a 7-year, $280 mil. contract. (Mr. Fraud can opt out of his 10-year $252 mil. contract at the end of this season at his wish. Predicting from Boras' clients' past opt-out contract option history, A-Fraud will OPT-PUT certainly.)

Putting the contract issue aside, the April production A-Fraud had was simply sensational. Too bad he can't take 5 out of 6 gms against Red Sox with his individual numbers. Oh, right, baseball is a team sport. Take that $25 million salary and get some new shade of lipstick, A-Fraud. It won't matter that you hit 25 HRs and drive in 75 runs in a single month, if your team can't win with you on the team, you will go down in history as the greediest and most selfish player, ever.